My Notes for Absent Fathers

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As that daughter of that absent father, I’d like to suggest there is always a chance you can make your “mis-takes” better.

After all my years in these shoes it seems to me that it makes a difference that you try to make it right with your daughter, or with your son for that matter; rather than to die realizing you had missed the mark and didn’t even try to make things better.

From experience I know that if you were, or are that father, you may fear the bitterness which can come your way when you attempt to make amends.  I myself threw some unexpected bile at my father, which neither he nor I saw coming. I was stunned myself and can only imagine how he felt. Looking back, I feel that my untreated bitterness was a small blow to take in the face of all his failures.

This breakthrough didn’t happen for me, as it doesn’t for many. However, based on everything I’ve seen if you have a chance, you should die trying to be your daughter’s father; it could make all the difference in her life and that of future generations.

Eventually I realized that right beneath any bitterness, anger, resentment, or other negative emotion, was simply the desire to be my father’s daughter, and for him to treat me as such. I note for your information:  breaking through these emotions doesn’t usually take much.

Even if when you were younger, you were just stupid, selfish, or both; when you get older it will be painful to watch your children suffer.  You might not be able to fix everything, but it will feel better to die making an effort making it up to your daughter, than to doing nothing, and simply watch her suffer.