Regardless of what’s happening out there, this work — nobody can do it for you.
Yeah, it’s always a pleasure to see some people in the world that you don’t talk to them all the time, but when you see them, it’s like immediately connect to you, and you’re one of those people. Thank you. So are you.
What are we going to talk about today? Accountability. Accountability. Can affect the work. Well, we’re good. I mean, you can, but yeah, you’ll have to live with work.
Olivia: And we spoke about this, obviously, before we got on camera, but with what I think — let’s just call it the insanity, just for simplification — swirling around in the world, easy to get distracted, right? Very easy to get distracted. I think also maybe it’s easy to feel like, what’s the point? What’s the point? And what am I doing all this work for? I’m healing from this issue or from that issue, and the world is a mess. And what’s the point? What do you think about?
Don’t Get Distracted
So I think because I’ve been doing self-healing and self-help work, just working on myself for so long, I don’t focus the world. I’m focused. But I can see how that would be a perspective of people who have not come to the realization yet that it’s with me. Yes. Being a change worker. So I can see it.
Yes. I think I’ve heard that kind of perspective, and even some sense of hopelessness. Yeah. Things are getting bad and they’re getting worse. I mean, I don’t feel that way at all. I don’t think we’re in a transitional period of, let’s say, human life. It’s a period of transition. Yes, and it is just life. And everything comes to pass. Everything comes to pass.
But whatever’s happening out there doesn’t — I mean, it affects us, but in terms of our internal work, in terms of our growth. Listen, the world could be perfection, and if you don’t do your work, it doesn’t matter what is going on out there. You’re going to be the same. Yeah, you’re going to be exactly the same.
So my thing is, don’t get distracted. You have to be aware of what’s happening. You have to know that there’s a reality. There’s a human reality. There’s no question about it. But if you don’t do the work you’re supposed to do, what’s the point? Well, how are you going to be better? Yeah, what’s happening out there is not going to make you better or worse. What’s going to make you better or worse is you. And I think people forget that.
It’s like, no matter what’s going on in the world, because we can’t control it anyway. Things have been happening since the beginning of time. Yes. Cain killed Abel. That’s right. Unfortunately, the word — that was the first murder that we know of.
You not working on you was never going to stop Cain from killing anyone. However, when you work on you and you hear something like that, you don’t let it destroy you. You say, God, I know what you’re doing. It may not make sense to me, but it makes sense to you. Right. So I’m going to stay in my place. Right. To work on me. Because good and bad happens to everyone.
You Don’t Know Enough to Be Pessimistic
Yes. And so there’s always sort of a divine perspective. That’s way above. Yeah, our ability. We are limited understanding. We’re like nothing. Right. We basically know nothing. We basically know nothing.
I always say we don’t know enough to be pessimistic. Because that’s how life is. Because you really don’t even know. How many times has somebody been desperate and not had — I’ve seen lottery stories that they were down for their last in here. Life was over. And then next thing you know, they won the lottery, or something good happened. So you really don’t know enough. You don’t.
I like that. That’s really cool. You don’t know enough to be pessimistic. You don’t, you really don’t. Because even as a life coach, when I’m listening to my client talk about whatever has happened, I understand that there’s a side of the story that I don’t know. That’s correct. And it’s still from their perspective and their perception.
You and I can write a short film about that day. Your film is going to be different from ours. Completely. We can do a film about this interview, and her version of the interview is going to be different from mine. So somebody outside watching it, you don’t know enough information to be pessimistic about whatever you heard, because you don’t know what happened before that. Right. You don’t know why I feel the way I feel, why she feels the way she feels. We just don’t have enough information.
That’s why, when you work on yourself, in your own mindset, you have a very positive mindset, and the result of a positive mindset is just good fruit. Right. And if you want to look at everything negatively, then guess what? Your fruit is going to be negative. There’s no other way. You’re going to produce as a man thinking, so as a woman thinking. Yeah. Very true.
Olivia: And one of the interesting things in line with what you’re saying is about what women see in each other. And I think we sort of crossed it probably before, but I know for me, I can’t tell you how many women, female friends I’ve had, that had no idea the challenges I had experienced, and they look at me and they have a certain assumption of who I am, or they think — I don’t know what they think. I don’t have a hard line.
Yeah, this point that people think you’re rich, people think you don’t have a bad day. I mean, oh yeah, like there’s a whole band of crazy. Yeah, a whole band and crazy. And people who really know me know the journey. Yeah, I would say for the first time in my life, I have become the woman that I always wanted to be. And it took all this time. And that’s okay. And it’s okay because at least you got there. I did.
Ja’el: I didn’t get there — yeah, we talked about with the dad. I came into the woman that I desire to be early, because — and I mean, I’m still evolving — but I just had a certain perception, because again, we talked about, because I was raised by my father and my mom, and they just pour so much into me and my big sister that I almost couldn’t help but rise to the occasion. Right, but it’s never too late.
Be Kind to Another Human Soul
Right. And it’s always possible. And it’s always possible, so we definitely want you all to know that. And then like we’re saying with women: you don’t know what your sister — just because your sister is beautiful. When I say your sister, I mean other women, right, any other woman. Just because she’s beautiful, or she’s well spoken, or she’s well put together, you don’t know her.
Ja’el: Let me tell you, I will never forget this, Olivia. I was in Piccadilly. Years ago, I don’t even know what they’re doing. I don’t know. Older white lady, she had to be like me. We were in line to check out. I will never forget. So she was in front of me, she turned around and she looked at me and she said, life of one. I will never forget this old white lady. I was like, girl. I don’t know if the word is because, but I was like, when I leave it like, you know, I was like, okay, I’m gonna see that, but I’m like, john like has not been, you know, some people. But people will look at you, and you’re right, you know certain things. But I’m saying I received it because I’m with somebody. I’m like, let’s go.
Yeah, but in your word. Yeah.
People will then be you and be mean to you and say things about you, because they look at you and they’re like, Oh, she’s pretty, she probably — right. And never run an issue in her life. You have — like, life happens to everyone. No matter how you were raised. Whether you were raised with the best PR for the work. Life happens to all of us, because we have to have a human experience. So be kind to people. You don’t know enough to be cursing, enough to be mean. Yes, enough to be mean.
Olivia: I will say that I have had maybe women that were allegedly my friend, and come to find out — and I have to say that especially my younger years, I was a little bit innocent. Yeah. I’m not thinking anything. I’m like, butterfly and candy. So, in my way. But what we’re thinking, the idea of judging. And I find it very, very incomprehensible that women are so unkind. We go through too much. We go through too much to be unkind.
We bleed every month. Then, I saw this video of this lady that was going through menopause. She had a bald head, very beautiful woman, bald, and the smoke, the heat was coming from her head, because she was hot. So then, but we already go through that, and then at a certain day, you go through that. Like, why would you ever be mean to another woman? We birth children. We have miscarriages. We go through all these things. Divorce, whatever. And then you want to be mean to another woman? And without knowing — like you just walk up to a person and you’re like, whatever, no, you don’t even know.
And the least that you could do is be kind to another human soul, who without a question is going to go through something, or in this moment is going through something. Because you cannot look at someone and tell where they’re going. It doesn’t matter how much money they have, what they look like, their husband, their career. It doesn’t matter. You don’t know. Absolutely do not.
And the least, the thing that you have to give, is just kindness. It doesn’t cost you anything to be kind. And especially in this time, which is where we started, where so much — I think it’s a transitional period for humanity. It’s always darkest before the dawn. And there’s a lot of resistance to change, whether it’s with regards to race, with regards to women, and all the list of things. With regards to gender, transgender, bisexual. I mean, there’s a whole set of resistance to it. And to me, it’s very easy to just be in love and stand in love without judging, just like we’re talking about the women. And then things can move forward. Because that’s where we are. Because somebodies don’t want things to move forward.
The Answer Is Always Within
Olivia: But you, regardless of anything, the answer is always within. So, here we go: Answers from Within. This one has a lot of information, but the thing was that I was at a phase of my life — I could not figure out the subtitle of the book, by the way. Answers to Work-Life Issues from a Spiritual Perspective.
And I was trying to find out, like, the four questions:
- Who am I?
- Why am I here?
- Where am I going?
- And who’s going with me?
I mean, otherwise, what am I doing? Because you can work, and you can be at work 80 hours a week, 40 hours a week, 50 hours a week, and not feel like you’re a part of the planet. You’re just existing. You’re existing, and you’re just working. There has to be a way that you’re more connected to life. Yeah.
You know, like, why did I come here? Why am I here? If the purpose of something is unknown, abuse is inevitable. If you don’t know your purpose and why you are here, you will abuse yourself. You will abuse your gifts, you will abuse your talents, because you don’t understand the purpose of it. And who then to go to, to find out your purpose and why we’re created in the creation? Absolutely. I mean, it’s just — that’s with all your answers, and that is within. It’s within.
Olivia: And so, for some of you, you already know my first book, which was For the Love of My Father. And that is just one of many questions that humans have. I talk about growing up without a father. There’s so many young men who are without fathers. And mothers. And mothers. There’s some people who have no parents. No, I know. People who have issues because they were adopted and haven’t processed that completely.
God Is Not Over There, God Is Right Here
The bottom line is that if you made it here, you somehow, whatever those people were doing, you are here. And whatever your bandwidth issues is, the creator of the universe does create and not provide answers? That’s right. There’s no way. Universes, galaxies, stars, planets. I mean, we’re talking about something phenomenal, what God is. But it’s going to send you here and there’s no answer? And there’s no answer to the problem. And there’s no answer.
And here’s the thing, we have to pay attention. Yes. We have to pay attention. We have to be obedient, when God has given us people to speak into our lives, to mentor us. Because I can think about people who I have poured into. And that’s why it says in the word, don’t cast pearls before swine. God will send you signs, omens, all kinds of things. But you have to be obedient and you have to listen.
Because like Olivia told me about — what is it? What is it? Which one? The one your husband started taking. Oh, NAD. NAD. NAD. I’ve never heard of that in my entire life. There’s no coincidence that she — we could have had a conversation about billions of things. There are billions of topics we could talk about. But we were just talking about getting yourself healthy. And she said, oh, Ja’el, you need to start taking NAD. You think I’m not going to? Right. So I’m like, oh, God, I want to be healthy, Lord, but I’m not doing anything to be proactive. And God sends an angel to tell me. Like, we have to listen. Right. You have to listen. You have to keep your mind quiet enough. Yeah. To listen.
Because God is always working with us. Always. Because guess what? God is not over there. No. God is right here. God is within. Right here. Right here. And it’s right here. And it’s right here. So no sense looking over here. It’s right inside of you. And it’s always working for you. Because each one of us is God’s creation. So why would you create something and then abandon it? That’s right.
You don’t know how it works. And I know there’s a lot of stuff that’s said out there. But just going from a practical perspective: how would the creator, a magnificent creator — just think about everything that’s in the planning, and we are the pinnacle. That’s right. Of that creation. But we get sent down here with a whole bunch of problems, and there’s no solution? Cannot be. There are answers. What you have is, you have to live.
And I think, talk about running my mind, I have that, where what happens when you have stress and trauma, especially, is your mind is always trying to figure out how you’re gonna survive. Oh. Your mind is like, what’s gonna happen next, and how am I gonna do, and who’s coming, and what’s it? So you have to get your mind to be quiet, right? So that you can lift it, or so that you can receive inspiration, or so that you can relax.
And that’s why, I know people who have to smoke pot, yeah, because that’s the only thing that calms the mind. That’s true. I mean, I’m not saying it’s okay to smoke pot, right, suggesting that. I know people, their lives have been so stressful. Yeah, they’ve been, especially coming from childhood. Yeah, and the only thing that calms them down. Oh my god. But I said this to someone once before, all the spaces. Okay. But God made — I know, I’m just saying. God made it, so if you’re gonna do it, please make sure it’s natural, or properly grown, right? And I didn’t have any pro or con, again, whatever works for you. What I’m saying is, if you have a, looking for something, pot, use it. No, they’re called, there’s using it the cold night. Okay, I got it.
And the thing that can help you the most is finding your connection. Yeah, divine. I mean, if you want to smoke pot, and you can get whatever the prescription, and I don’t know where I’m in store, it might be what stage you’re in or what country. But the thing that you’re looking for, that you’re using the pot for, it’s trying to find God. That’s what that is.
Ja’el: And do you know, I heard from men, because I coach a lot of men. Men have told me, some people use drugs, some people use sex, right? They said the time where there was tweaking with the most women, they were the loneliest. Yes. Because what they were seeking is God. They were trying to fill a void that man cannot fill. Yes, it’s impossible. Man, boys, if you have childhood trauma, sleeping around or doing drugs or harming yourself will not fill that void. You won’t fix it. Again, like you said in the beginning, the world starts with it. But you have to go fix those things, because everybody that I’ve ever talked to, you certain things to escape, it’s just an escape. It’s temporary. Use the, part of the problem is, so they never dealt with it.
Carrying Baggage Under the Decks
So we have to again go within. And it’s okay, do the work. Yes, everything is work. Be willing to do the work, be willing to clean up.
Olivia: In this book, For the Love of My Father, I speak about carrying baggage under the decks, like you’re a ship, right, and you’re sailing and you don’t even know that you’re weighed down by a bunch of crap in the lower deck, things that your parents experienced, and you don’t even know. And the worst part about that is that the things that you have built into you, the energy you have, attract other of those same energy. So your ship is out there sailing and you’re attracting stuff, and then you’re like, what? Yeah, well, because it’s here.
But again, the creator does not create a universe without solutions. That’s right. Just as the problem was created, it can be here, the solution. 100%. Yes, you can throw those boxes back off your ship. That’s right. You can heal yourself.
And you all know that I speak, and we’ve spoken before, and forgiveness is the key. Because that is the thing that we need, all kinds of negative energies from you, and you can do that. And if you’ve seen us speak before, if you’ve seen me, if you’ve seen Ja’el, forgiveness is at the core of everything. And the important thing about today is that our concern that people are getting off track because of the insanity, right, that’s swirling around. But the point is that, regardless of what’s happening out there, this work, yeah, nobody can do it. No, I can’t even do it for you.
It is so beautiful when you start doing the work and you see how your mindset changes, and you see how things that used to bother you no longer bother you. You see how, when you’ve done the work, and you see someone that when you would see them before you would want to fight them, the anger is gone. The work is for you. The forgiveness is for you, because it releases you from the pain, from the negative mindset, from the disease that’s caused because you keep reliving and replaying what somebody did to you over and over, which you are a prisoner to them. Yes, so it releases you from a prison of other people, when you forgive.
The work works if you work it. It works if you work it. And if she has a book, it’s called It Works If You Work It. And I don’t even know that. Yes, It Works If You Work It, by Johnny.
Olivia: And I do the work that I do because I want people to know that it’s possible. You know, the very bottom of line, not just in terms of finances, but in terms of emotion, challenging circumstances, and be living. And for me, at a certain point in my life, I just said, life’s too painful. Okay, I gotta figure this. Too much. It’s just too much.
And it’s anyone. You get married and you marry the wrong, and then you have a kid, yeah, and then you race, and then you’re working and you gotta hold it all together, and you need some answers. Not just like somebody telling you, like if you go to the psychologist or the psych. Maybe you go and sit in church on Sunday, which is good. By the way, I’m not saying don’t do that, go to church. But beyond that, finding the healing requires you to be actively involved.
Yes. And I was desperate. I was desperate. I was like, no, there’s got to be a better way. This cannot be the way. That’s right. This can’t be. This may not be. Yeah. And I felt that way about my life in general, and when I started practicing, in terms of work, right, because I come from a working-class family. Everybody worked. My mother went to college. My father went to college. But before that nobody had been to college. And I’m like, oh my god, I’m gonna be a lawyer. And then I get there: can’t be it. Wow, this cannot be it. Because I mean, you work just like everybody else. It works, but in terms of the sense that you’re feeling fulfilled? Not at all. Not at all.
I still practice law and I like it, and I found something that I like, but that was not my calling. That was not my calling. And I’m very grateful. My calling, I needed to figure that out. In fact, I left practice. I left for many years. I practiced, and then I said, initially I did commercial litigation, business litigation. Oh, yeah. So that was even less, because I always felt like I wanted to help people. I wanted to be connected to people. I mean, that was pros and cons, because you have to make a living, right? Right, right. So there’s some practicalities to that. But I was like, I think that’s something else that I’m here to do. And that’s how I ended up writing Answers from Within, because that was the whole thing, and that title came to me as I was, you know, I was like, what is this life? Why am I here?
Ja’el: Well, you look beautiful about what you just said. I’m sorry, I have to say that. Yeah, so we just talked about how you had to find your purpose, right? And you go through life and you’re like, I know you didn’t just drop me off, you’re God, right? So she found her answers, even in a time where she was like, I’m not happy. So it’s not wasted. So even if you’re going through life, that led her to writing this book, which is helping and blessing so many people. So it’s not lost like that. If you’re like, I’m not fulfilled, what should I do? The answers will come. Yes. It’s the answer.
You Have to Be Ready and Whole
Yeah, we just said it. Absolutely positively worked. Absolutely. And then again, the four questions. These are the questions that were like, okay: who am I, in the context of the universe? Where do I fit? And I didn’t just want to be like the child of my mother and my father. Is there more than that? More than that. Why am I here? Why am I here? Yeah, and this is the big one, right? Okay, where am I going? Right. And the last one, that’s very complicated: who’s going with me?
Yes. And for women particularly, relationships can impact — you can answer all three questions, and then get yourself in a scenario where you don’t go nowhere and you don’t do nothing. Make sure they’re wrong. Because exactly. And it’s not that women are not interested in having relationships and things like that, but you need to find somebody who is going to go with you where you need to go. And he could be happy, or she, whatever works for you. You are a divine, let’s come here to do something.
Because I’ve been in relationships where I felt held back. Yeah, I felt held back, like, oh, I can’t do this, or he’s gonna think this, or maybe he’s gonna think that. And yeah, you definitely feel like that, and God has poured a lot into you, everything that you need.
Olivia: In this book I talk about the fact that every human being has, I forgot how many kilotons of dynamite energy. Wow. It has, I think, 88 times more dynamite energy than the bomb that was dropped in Nagasaki. Every single human being. Yeah, but if you don’t connect to it. I definitely have lots of dynamite. Yes. I’m sure you do.
Because you know when God, so to speak, what is the essence, and in a being that has the energy to run this? That’s right. Now they say to a hundred and twenty. What’s running it? Yeah, I mean, you give yourself and whatever, but the core, you come in with a certain amount of energy. Yeah.
And every day I think it gets better and people become more aware. But the thing is, are you willing to explore who you genuinely are, who you were said to be? And that’s apart from whatever might be happening in the world. That’s right. You have to balance that. It’s happening. It’s real. It has some effects, you take it into account. But this right here, there is the thing.
Okay, because here’s the thing: even if you are called to Palestine — yes, even if that’s your calling — you can’t go if you’re jacked up on the inside. Mind is not right. Even if you’re called to the whales, to save the whales, if you’re not mentally ready, you won’t even have the bandwidth to get on the flight to go over there to do all the things it takes to save the whales, the orphans, the homeless. You have to be, even if you are called to those issues, you still need to be ready and whole with it so you can take on, because that’s taking on someone else’s, that’s taking on their stuff, right along with what you have to deal with in your mind. So you have to do the work.
I mean, for me, part of my concern about health and well-being, it’s because I have something to do. Grateful. Yes, the whole time, the whole time, and then tell you what to move, help me, and in my right mind the whole time. Yeah.
So it’s putting everything together, and not letting the external factors control what happens. Because it’s easy to get distracted, easy to — for some people it’s easy to get hopeless. That’s right. And those things are temporary. The things that are swirling out there are temporary. They change from one minute to the other. But if you get connected to your core, the core of who you are, your divine energy, your divine everything, those things will swirl, but you will continue to function, you will continue to grow, you will continue to exist. Yeah, those things can’t fuel you. Your fuel is in here. Yeah, and that’s what you need to get connected. You’ll be able to move forward.
Olivia: For the Love of My Father, for my girls out there: you can fix yourself, you can fill yourself with divine love. Everything is possible. You can come from the bottom, from the pits of despair — that’s right — and make it, and be happy, and have a good life. And if you’re having issues with work, and why you’re here, and what you’re here to do, this book. Both of them are on Amazon. And I’m Olivia S. Benson, and my page is Olivia S. Benson. But the S, otherwise I think it’s Mariska.
Ja’el: I’m Ja’el The Great, that’s my name. Yes. And you’re a life coach. And I’m an actress. I act, I direct. Do please support all of my films, just Google my name. I’m also a life coach. I have so many beautiful life coaching clients, I love you so much. I am accepting your word. Oh, I do so much. I’m an author. I have a book for girl dads, Beyond Providing: The Critical Role of Fathers in Their Daughters’ Lives. I have a book for parents and daughters called Loving Your Daughter to Greatness. I have audio books with affirmations. So just check out my Linktree and my Instagram, just get all the good things.
Yes. Always wonderful. We sit down and we do these talks. We don’t script them or anything along those lines. We just sit down and share every time we get a chance. It’s from our hearts to yours.