As a “Black” human living in the U.S., I often wonder if my friends who are not “Black” understand how my life can be different from theirs in certain places in America.
Before we go on, I’d like to make a few clarifications. Not every “Black” person in the U.S. has had the experiences or feelings I’m talking about here. Of course, these things don’t happen everywhere or all the time. I recognize that things have improved over the years and, from my perspective, are continuing to improve. I have not experienced all of the things I will talk about myself. But, even if they didn’t happen to me, I have seen them happen to others. I feel some of these things go unspoken because they are uncomfortable truths about existing in America.
I have experienced traveling to other countries and meeting people who are excited and respectful to me because I am an American—not an “African American.” Meanwhile, I’m thinking that if they only knew that to some people in America, I would be a subcategory of Americans. In that same vein, it is a very strange thing to leave America and feel relief from the weight of the issue of race that can be overwhelming in certain places. It was astonishing to realize that I can be treated better in some places abroad than I am at home. To my “non-Black” friends, if I haven’t told you, this is my experience. I’m not asking you to do anything … just know.
I’m not suggesting there isn’t racism in other places around the world. To some extent, most humans are still caught up in the drama of “my group is better than yours.” Most of us also seem to relish finding ways to divide into groups. We find virtually anything and then use it to fight. Yet, the deep-seated, sometimes unconscious brand of racism left behind in some places by the legacy of slavery is very particular to America. It certainly makes me wonder . . .
It is also strange to travel to other countries and find that the governments there, with all their imperfections, care more about all their people than our government has ever seemingly cared about people of “African descent.” An ideal government takes care of all the people. However, historically, to many “Black” people, the government has been less than ideal. To my “non-Black” friends, if I haven’t told you, this is how I feel sometimes. Not asking you to do anything…just know.
The things I am discussing here are so uncomfortable for some people that I don’t recall ever saying them to any of my “non-Black” friends. Usually, when subjects like this come up, the most to be expected is an uneasy silence because I don’t want to make them feel awkward, and they, generally speaking, don’t know what to say or do. To my friends: Just relax. I am not asking you to do anything. Just know these thoughts sometimes wander through my mind. You get to decide what if anything you want to do. I will say that it can be irritating when you act as though my experiences don’t exist.
If you are my “non-Black” friend, I wonder if you wonder how I feel when a boy or a man of African descent is beaten, injured, or killed by the police. I wonder, if you wonder what “Black” mothers say to their children to attempt to keep them safe from what can sometimes seem like race-based acts of violence. I have to tell my children different things than you have to tell yours. I’m not asking you to do anything. Just know this, and don’t pretend it is not a reality because to do otherwise feels uncomfortable.
A few years ago, I received a call from my son, who had traveled to Colombia with a few of his friends. It was a little sad to hear the highlight of our conversation that day. He was excited to tell me that he and his fellow college graduate friends, who are by all appearances “Black,” were together at an ATM booth when a woman who wasn’t “Black” entered the booth and got in line behind them “like nothing was wrong.” He then expressed that “it would never have happened in America.” There is so much wrapped up in this story that I will allow each reader to sit with it, but if you are my friend, know this is how it feels sometimes. I’m not asking you to do anything … just know.
If you are my “non-Black” friend, there are times I may hear you talk about visiting someplace, and all the while, I am wondering whether that place would be safe for me. Not asking you to do anything. . . just know.
Maybe you can understand a little better if you understand this sentiment. It would feel better to know a person treated me badly or was unkind to me in some way because that is how they treat everyone, rather than it being because of my physical appearance. To my friends, if I haven’t told you any of this, these are thoughts that pass through my mind sometimes. Not asking you to do anything . . . just know.