Survival is not a lifestyle. You are not built to be in a continuous state of trying to survive.
I am Olivia S. Benson. You guys know the S is important. Otherwise, it’s Mariska Hargitay from Law & Order SVU.
And today I want to talk to you very quickly. But just nuggets, six nuggets, things that you can do to get started on your healing journey from growing up with an absent father.
Now, you all know, and you can look for it right here, you guys know that I have two books that I usually speak about. One is Answers from Within, A Spiritual Guide for Finding Answers to Work Life Issues. And the other one is FLF, is what I call it, For the Love of My Father, A Spiritual Guide for Healing from the Absence of a Father.
And so these six nuggets that I’m going to share with you today are about FLF, For the Love of My Father. By the way, I’m not going to lie to you, because I see a lot of times out there, people say six things to this, and five things to this, and the quickest way to this, and the smartest way to this. I’m not going to lie to you. I did not find this journey to be quick or easy. It is always possible. Anything is possible. It could be easy for you. It was not easy for me. And generally speaking, anything that is worth having usually takes work and time.
Realize that growing up without your father is a huge challenge
So here’s number one. Realize that growing up without your father is a huge challenge. Now, let me clarify. First of all, when I say your father, it doesn’t have to be your biological father. It could be a father. It could be your adoptive father. It could be your stepfather. Just having a man in your life, a good man as a father in your life that was present, is what we’re looking for. So when we talk about absent fathers, we’re not trying to say that it has to be your biological father.
Keep that in mind, because there are a lot of lucky people out there who have amazing adoptive fathers and amazing stepfathers. So keep that in mind. Also, with regards to the issue of realizing, it might seem to some people that you should realize it. And I have to tell you, I did not realize it. I grew up with so many challenges, so many issues, so much what I call direct and clear suffering, that I just got accustomed to making it through whatever showed up. And I didn’t particularly focus on the fact that my dad had been absent.
It was just the way that it was. So there comes a moment where you actually have to realize, oh, this is what’s causing what I call the bowl of spaghetti in my life. OK, you have to realize that. And when you realize it is the moment that then you’re going to have an opportunity to decide what you’re going to do next. So that’s super important.
Also, we human beings are built to survive. We’ll go through all kinds of things and we’ll be like, yeah, I’ll be fine. And you just keep moving. And just because you think that your job is to survive. But I did a post somewhere not too long ago, and it basically says survival is not a lifestyle. You are not built to be in a continuous state of trying to survive. That’s not what life is supposed to be about. No matter what you’ve been told, it’s not that way.
This hand that you were dealt does not define you
Also, number two, number one was realize that the absence of your father was significant. Number two, realize that the fact that you were dealt this hand in life does not permanently condemn you to live in this state with these challenges and these issues. You have an opportunity to change your life. This hand that you were dealt does not define you. It just shows you what you’re here to do. What work you have ahead.
And I say the hand that you were dealt because many of us oftentimes wonder, why me? And then the other thing that we do is we look over and we say, well, she has a dad. Why can’t I have a dad? Well, I don’t know why, but it doesn’t matter. This is the hand that you were dealt, and you were dealt this hand for you to work through the issues that you faced. It’s nobody else’s fault. It’s your hand, and your job, as I found life to be, is to figure out how to overcome the circumstances of your life.
Understand who you are as a spiritual being
Now, number three, and this for me is super important. To see, to understand who you are as a spiritual being. And as such a spiritual being, when you find out the truth about who you are, you realize that you weren’t built to live in trauma and challenge forever.
If you understand who you are as a spiritual being — because that’s what all of my work and all my writing is about, the answers to questions from a spiritual perspective — and if you understand that as a spiritual being, the cards you were dealt give you clues about what you’re here to work on. And that this journey is just to help you grow as a spiritual being.
Every single one of us is a divine creation of a divine creator. Now, most of the times we don’t know that, but this is the moment, this, when you find yourself in the worst scenarios. This is the moment for you to seek to find out who you are and how powerful you are and how divine you are. That’s what we’re looking for.
Don’t wait until your back is up against the wall
Number four, don’t wait until your back is up against the wall to try to do something, to figure out what is wrong, how to heal yourself. And also when you do that often, you’ve made a lot of mistakes already for the wrong reason. And if you wait that long, sometimes then you have more work to do.
Don’t get distracted
Number five, don’t get distracted. There is so much going on in the world at this moment, in so many different areas, all at the same time. I think the world is upside down, but then it probably has always been upside down. But anyway, it seems particularly chaotic at this moment.
Don’t be distracted. There’s a lot going on, yes, but regardless of what is happening out there, doing your work, you doing your work, is the only thing that is going to change your life for the better. This is what you have to know.
Forgiveness is the only way
Number six, forgiveness is the only way. You guys know, if you’ve been here before, there’s a chapter in the book, chapter four. And this is the book, For the Love of My Father, available on Amazon. Chapter four, forgiveness, a pill to take like your life depends on it. It is everything.
If you are bitter, you don’t forgive and you’re bitter, you will only attract bitter energy. If you are angry, you will only attract angry energy, and so on.
Also on my website, I have this cup and it says, “I’m willing to do the work to be whole.” And that is what I found to be absolute truth. I hope this chat is helpful to you. The book, as I mentioned before, For the Love of My Father, available on Amazon. Please check out my website, OliviaSBenson.com, where you can also see my other products.