As a daughter of an absent father, I’d like to suggest to fathers who have been absent that there is always a chance you can make your “mis-takes” better. After all my years in these shoes, it seems to me that it does make a difference that you at least try to make it right with your daughter, or with your son, for that matter. It seems that trying to make things right as much as possible could be better than dying knowing you missed the mark and did nothing.
From experience, I know that if you were, or are that father, you may fear the bitterness which can come your way when you attempt to make amends. I myself threw some unexpected bile at my father, which neither he nor I saw coming. I was stunned myself and can only imagine how he felt. Looking back, I feel that my untreated bitterness was a small blow to take in the face of all his failures.
This breakthrough didn’t happen for me, as it doesn’t for many. However, based on everything I’ve seen, if you have a chance, I recommend you die trying to be your daughter’s (or your son’s) father; it could make all the difference in her life and that of future generations.
Eventually, I realized that right beneath any bitterness, anger, resentment, or other negative emotion was simply the desire to be my father’s daughter and for him to treat me as such. I note, for your information, that breaking through these emotions doesn’t usually take much.
Even if when you were younger, you were just stupid, selfish, or both; when you get older it will be painful to watch your children suffer. You might not be able to fix everything, but it will feel better to die making an effort to make it up to your daughter (or your son), than to do nothing and simply watch her suffer.
Olivia
For more on my journey to healing from my absent father, check out my book “For the Love of my Father: A Spiritual Guide for Women Healing From the Absence of a Father in the Age of Spiritual Evolution” here: https://www.oliviasbenson.com/for-the-love-of-my-father/
For more information on my journey to finding solutions to my work-life issues, please check out my book titled “Answers From Within: A Spiritual Guide for Finding Answers to Work-Life Issues.” You can access it by clicking here: https://www.oliviasbenson.com/answersfromwithin/