It makes no sense to look at another human being and make decisions about what you resent that they have.
Hello and welcome. I’m Olivia S. Benson, author of a new book, For the Love of My Father, which is available on Amazon. In fact, here it is right now. For the Love of My Father, available on Amazon. I’m also the author of another book, it’s called Answers from Within, which is also available on Amazon. At this moment, we are discussing different aspects of For the Love of My Father.
And for Women’s History Month, I’ve been addressing issues that women, some women, sometimes have with each other. And so this is the last week of Women’s History Month, and I’m going to conclude by discussing issues related to jealousy and envy and things along those lines. And why it really doesn’t make any sense for really anyone, but in particular, the way that some women deal with each other and how jealousy and envy and resentment and all those kinds of things kind of play out.
So what I’d like to say is, if this is your first time, again, welcome. I encourage you to not only watch this video, but listen to some of the other ones, particularly if you are listening with regards to the Women’s History Month series and issues that women have with each other. I encourage you to go back and listen to the other, I think it’s three, two or three that I’ve done this month specifically about issues that women have with each other.
This book is not just for women
Also, if you know someone that has these issues — obviously the book is about absent fathers and the consequences of that and how to heal issues related to growing up without a father for a woman. Generally, I put it under the category of daddy issues. So if you know someone that has those kinds of issues, please encourage them to check out my Facebook page, check out my YouTube channel, and to buy the book, which again is available on Amazon.
Also, I wanted to clarify that this book is not just for women, it is for men as well. There are a couple of different categories that men can fit in. First, it is if your significant other, a woman who grew up without her father, has these issues. This is a tool that could help you to help her. You could read it so you have some insight, and you might want to encourage her, to give her some insight.
Of course, we don’t do anything — no human being really does anything until they are ready, and you can’t make anyone do anything that they’re not ready to do. But if somebody’s really struggling and you see that they’re ready, you might consider recommending this. The other category, though, is for men who perhaps were the absent fathers. There’s a lot of information that could help you either understand what you have done, the effects of what you have done, and in many cases kind of help you on the path to reconciling with your daughter.
So there are a couple of different categories. I don’t want it to be that people think that this is a channel, or the book is just for women, because it’s not. Several of my reviewers who’ve been guys that submitted a review on Amazon have actually said, you know, this is very insightful for men because you get to see things from a different perspective. So I want to encourage you to let your friends know they don’t have to be just women.
It’s something that, in addition to which I also say in the book, that women need healing but we also need men to help us on our journey to healing. Without question, you can do anything on your own. You don’t need anyone. So I use that word loosely, but I will tell you that it can be easier. It can be easier if you have a mate, a companion that can help you on your journey to healing.
You are only seeing things that are on the surface
So let’s get into the topic for today. In the book and in the previous videos, I discussed some of the pet peeves. You know, we talked about how women can be with each other, and in the videos I gave several examples of issues that women have with each other. Today, I want to focus in a little bit on something very basic that we see all the time: jealousy and envy.
And what happens is that I believe — and what I found for myself, everybody has to find, you know, their understanding and their knowing — but what I found for myself was that it makes no sense to look at another human being and make decisions about what you resent that they have or what you think you should have instead of them. And that is my conclusion, based on my understanding of spiritual principle.
So when you look at another human being, the first thing is that you are only seeing things that are on the surface. You have no idea what is really going on with another human. What you see with your eyes is really limited information. And then for us, as women, to look at another woman and think, why does she have that and I don’t, or why is she this way and I’m not — and I’ll clarify, I’m really particularly talking about physical appearances, about how women look, because many times women can be quite aggressive, and I don’t know what the right word is, but in terms of jealousy: oh, you know, her hair is long and my hair is short, her hair is straight and my hair is curly, those kinds of things. And really quite downright mean about issues related to physical appearances based on just simple jealousy.
When you judge by physical appearances, you really don’t have full information
Now, the thing about it is, when you look at someone and you say, okay, well, her hair — let’s say her hair is curly and mine is straight. What logical sense does it make for you to take your time and your energy to be upset, jealous, envious, angry about a person’s physical appearance when that person didn’t even have any control about whether they’re short or tall or have straight hair or curly hair or whatever the case might be? That is something that’s way beyond anybody’s control.
In addition to that, the other thing that doesn’t make any sense is you can look at someone, for example, and say, oh, they are wealthy, and it appears that they’re living a certain kind of lifestyle, and that that lifestyle is better than what you seem to be living. Well, they could be living, let’s call it in quotations, well, or better than you. However, you don’t know what else is going on with that person, because you’re only judging by appearances. So a person could be extremely wealthy but they could be very ill, or they could be very ill and have a lot of money in the bank. So when you judge by physical appearances, you really don’t have full information.
We have a life to live, we get our circumstances
In addition to which — and this is in the book a number of different times — each one of us comes to, or we’re born into, a set of circumstances, and those circumstances are not something that you consciously make a decision about. So it is really a waste of time for you to judge someone based on the circumstances that they were born into versus the circumstances that you were born into. We come, we have a life to live, we get our circumstances, and from my perspective, the job is how are we going to do the best that we can with the circumstances that we have. Being jealous and envious or angry or resentful because somebody seems to be doing better than you has no logical basis whatsoever.
Now, just because it doesn’t have logic doesn’t mean that we’re not going to do it. But as women, and as hopefully people who are trying to live a better, more complete, more, let’s say, maybe evolved life, and trying to improve ourselves, then we have to kind of look at it. How can I be jealous of someone who was born into XYZ circumstances? That person didn’t make decisions about certain things — let’s say we’re talking about how people come into the world. They were born into it.
If you were born into a wealthy family — what do you, how can you look at that person and be jealous about the fact, just given that as an example? How can you look at that person and be jealous of the fact that that person was born into a wealthy family and upset because you were born into, let’s say for purposes of discussion, a poor family? What sense does that make? For me, the answer is: I accept my circumstances, and I understand that in this life my job is to accept them, to learn from them, and to grow from them.
The other thing about jealousy and envy and resentment and anger is that it means that instead of using your time to advance, you’re directing your energy outwardly to being angry at somebody because they have more than you, or in your mind anyway they’re prettier than you or taller than you or slimmer than you. Instead of investing that energy in internal development, you are wasting that energy outwardly talking about what’s wrong with the person, all because you are jealous or envious or resentful or any of the — maybe even angry at the person.
There is the whole syndrome of the mean girl
This happens a lot with women, and I myself have had experiences. I’ve seen women who — there are two things. If other women, and you know there’s a story and many stories about mean girls — if they feel that you are too pretty or too nice or anything along those lines, then there is the whole syndrome of the mean girl.
And sometimes we see in high school how some of these young ladies will get into fights, and they’ll pick on one particular person for whatever reason. They think she’s too pretty, too nice, too smart or whatever the case might be, and many times it’s other girls. I’m always surprised that we’re surprised, because the adults have similar behaviors, and the young ladies in school and high school who are exhibiting that behavior got it from somewhere else.
But there’s another way of living this life. There’s no reason for you to take your energy and direct it at being mad at somebody else for whatever the circumstances might be — too pretty, too tall, too short or whatever the case might be — and you’re directing your energy at being angry at another human being for, let’s say, her physical attributes because you feel that you’re less than, rather than investing your time in your internal personal development.
You would then be happy for anybody else wherever they are
At the same time, the person is not — if you were looking and saying, well, who’s the prettiest, which women invest a lot of time, you know, who’s the prettiest, who’s the most attractive, whose hair is better and all these kinds of things. Those are not things that a person who is intending on developing themselves and developing their lives and becoming a richer, more evolved human being would spend a great deal of time on. The energy would be devoted to getting to know yourself, becoming aware of yourself as a spiritual being, and also, given that, you would be internally aware of who you are and comfortable and well-grounded.
You would then be happy for anybody else wherever they are. If another woman is beautiful, good for her. If she’s a good person, good for her, because you know who you are, and good for you, and you’re standing in your good. So you have no reason to invest your energy as a woman in, in quotations, hating. That energy is unlike the energy of GEFS, as I call it, God, energy, force, spirit, and any energy that unlike God is separating you from your good.
Don’t be jealous of a woman who grew up with her father
So there’s no reason for you to take your time and your energy and invest in hating, in quotations, other women for whatever their circumstances might be, and particularly with regards to the issue of fathers. There’s so many women who have wonderful daddies, and they’re daddy’s girls, and they were spoiled to some extent by their daddies. If you’re a woman who grew up without your father, don’t be jealous of a woman who grew up with her father and maybe who’s spoiled or is just a daddy’s girl.
I mean, that was her lot in life and you had a different lot, and God knows why you had that lot. And at the same time, every circumstance has its pluses and minuses. She might be a daddy’s girl and might have been blessed to be a daddy’s girl, but invariably she’ll have other issues in her life that she will have to address. Everybody has issues that they have to address. My responsibility, as I’ve come to understand it, is to accept my circumstances, grow through them, and become the best person that I can be.
So I hope that you have gathered something from this. The book again is For the Love of My Father. It’s available on Amazon. You can go to my website and buy it through there, or go to Amazon directly, and also we have cups and t-shirts and other products available, so please check it out. Again, I’m Olivia S. Benson, and I’m happy to conclude this Women’s History Month talking about how women can be kinder and gentler with each other.